Peri-Menopause: Effects on Relationships

What is Peri-Menopause?

Every time I think of this question I come up with a different answer, but let’s start with the quick answer! Menopause is the first anniversary of your last period, so it’s a very definite point in time, like the day your periods started. Peri-menopause is the warm-up for that, and it’s a bit more like adolescence. Both adolescence and peri-menopause can take a number of years, and they don’t suddenly finish when periods start or stop! It can take a while for the body to readjust when periods first start, and again when they finish, but both are really powerful transitions in a woman’s life.

Peri-Menopause Symptoms

There are lots of symptoms associated with peri-menopause, and they can affect us physically, emotionally or mentally. It’s not compulsory to have all or any menopause symptoms, and around 20% of women barely notice they’ve reached menopause! The idea is to be aware of them but not frightened of them, so that if they do manifest at any point, you understand what’s going on and how to help yourself.

Peri-menopause symptoms might include:

• Fatigue
• Insomnia, anxiety or depression
• Weight gain or bloating
• Heavy periods
• Migraines
• Joint pain
• Vaginal dryness
• Low libido
• Hot flushes or night sweats
• Palpitations

 

How Peri-Menopause Changes The Brain

Traditionally, menopause was seen as a powerful rite of passage into a woman’s elder phase, when she would become highly revered for her wisdom and life experience. The brain changes that happen during peri-menopause shift each woman into a different kind of headspace, and many women say that once they’re through the disruptive symptoms, they feel calmer and less inhibited. It’s really interesting to see how the way the hormones affect the brain and literally transform us into the best earthly version of ourselves!

But before we reach that point, some of the brain changes that happen in peri-menopause can be a real pain. Our brains have to readjust as we swap from a potent form of oestrogen used for our monthly cycles, to less potent forms which help to protect our health. Hormone changes can also affect the gut flora, vagus nerve and ultimately the gut brain too, which doesn’t help either! As a result we can often experience symptoms like brain fog, poor concentration and memory loss. As frightening as they can be, they’re usually only temporary so it’s a question of finding ways to treat and manage these symptoms until they pass.

 

Can Peri-Menopause Cause Emotional Changes?

Emotional changes are also really common during peri-menopause, and there’s a lot of crossover with what’s happening in the brain. As oestrogen levels drop later on in the process, we can find our ‘oestrogen goggles’ fall off! That’s because the potent form of oestrogen we’ve mainly been living off since our periods started gives us many of the qualities we need for raising young children. Oestrogen makes us kind, compassionate, self-sacrificing, patient and nurturing, which is exactly what it’s designed to do. As we swap over to the less potent forms, we naturally feel less inclined to put everyone else’s needs first, and it becomes more about serving our own. Until relatively recently, that would have been easier because we’d have had our babies earlier in life, and our parents may not have lived so long, but times have changed. Now it’s very common for women to be contending with peri-menopause hormone changes, a young family, elderly parents and a career all at the same time. No wonder we struggle!

Another thing that can happen is that childhood trauma can be unlocked as the brain changes. Anything traumatic that has remained unprocessed when we reach teenage gets filed away as we prepare for adult responsibilities. It often stays there for decades, until the brain changes again at peri-menopause, and pandora’s box opens. The problem is that we’re not consciously aware of what’s going on, so we can become very angry, anxious, dissociated or isolated because the trauma is coming out. Again, exploring the darker aspects of our past is traditionally seen as a part of the initiation into our elderhood, but it can be very painful and require a lot of therapy to get through.

 

Peri-Menopause And Relationship Breakdown

It’s not surprising that with all this going on that the divorce rate is higher in middle age than at any other time. Low libido and dissociation from partners are both really common symptoms, and if they’re not carefully managed can create a divide between the two of you. Many women are confused about whether their low libido is caused by a growing distance between them and their partner, or simply a crash in oestrogen and testosterone levels.

As the oestrogen levels drop we naturally become less tolerant of those around us. Whilst that might ultimately be a good thing for us, it can be really confusing for partners and family. Suddenly what used to be ok isn’t anymore, and nobody in the household understands why. That’s why it’s important to learn as much about what happens in menopause as you can, and explain it to your loved ones.

Loss of self-confidence, anxiety and anger can really impact on partnerships too, and I’ve even known some women to become paranoid. There are psychotherapists who specialise in supporting women through menopause and the relationship changes that often come with it.

How To Cope With Children and Teens In Peri-Menopause

Dealing with peri-menopause hormone changes is hard enough, but with children and teens at home it can be even more so. Adolescents have their own hormones to contend with. Of course you’ll understand what’s happening to them, but they won’t understand what’s happening to you if nobody tells them. For teenage girls living with peri-menopausal mums, the Red School is an excellent resource which helps both to understand and celebrate their sacred cycles.

Thankfully there are now more open discussions around menopause in the workplace, and it’s starting to creep into schools. The key though is to be honest with your family, and even if you don’t really understand what’s going on for you at the time, just say that. It will pass.

How To Cope With Your Parents During Peri-Menopause

If you’re having to care for children and aging parents at the same time, you still need to prioritise your own self care. Our capacity to look after others really declines during peri-menopause, leaving us more prone to burn-out and it can creep up without us realising! Get as much help and support as you can from places like AgeUK, and keep socialising as it’s a great way to offload.

Menopause and You

There’s no better teacher for unconditionally loving ourselves than the menopause transition! It really can be an emotional roller coaster as we tend to evaluate our life so far, and what we’d like the rest of our lives to look like. Our bodies usually change in a way we’re uncomfortable with, and the fixes are no longer as simple as joining the gym or changing your face cream. We’re being forced to become ok with aging and mortality, and with that comes all kinds of emotions. Grief, anger, guilt and trauma can all come up for healing and we can feel like were at a crossroads. I always recommend just allowing all of this to come up and to sit with them rather than trying to fight them off. They’re there for a reason, and they’ll pass much more quickly if you can just allow them to be.

Menopause Hypnotherapy is also a great way to resolve old patterns that you don’t want to carry into your next phase. Typically my clients come for help with:

• Loss of self confidence
• Moving on from addictions
• Healthy eating and weight release
• Abusive relationships
• Healing trauma that’s been passed down through generations of their family.

Generational trauma is really fascinating, and it seems to come up for healing quite often at peri-menopause. It’s been talked about in old texts including the Bible, but more recently we’ve found that our DNA can already be imprinted with trauma when we’re born. The egg that created you was formed inside your grandmother, so if she was subject to any trauma at the time, it will likely be affecting you on some deep level.  Trauma doesn’t have to mean anything horrific. It can be a string of more minor incidents that accumulate and become difficult to process without help.

I also recommend staying sociable, even when you don’t feel like it. We’re tribal creatures and you’ll save a fortune on therapy if you can go out for a laugh and a ‘heart to heart’ every now and again. So do find time to go out with the girls, start a new hobby or join a group – your inner goddess with thank you for it.

Astrology Is The Fastest Way to Start Loving Yourself

Louise Hay always said “when we love ourselves, everything in our life works” and she was right. Depending on what’s happened in your past, it might take a whole lifetime or more to get the hang of loving yourself, and that’s why I love astrology!

When an Astrologer draws up the chart for the moment you were born, you get to see your unique design. They can help you to understand the aspects of your personality that you find difficult, and others which you can use to make your life easier. You can see your themes for this lifetime and how perfectly designed you are to fulfil your destiny. It really is fascinating and the perfect tool for helping you find your way as you reach peri-menopause.

I first dabbled in astrology almost 30 years ago when I was dragged along to an evening class in a bid to cheer me up! I was hooked and I’ve learnt quite a lot of natal and medical astrology over the years. I’ll be starting my formal studies in esoteric astrology in early 2026 but in the meantime if you’d like to learn more about yourself with a basic reading, please book a quick chat.

Where To Get More Help

Book a free call to tell me more about what’s going on, and explore your best treatment options.

Download my free Menopause Toolkit mini course to understand more about your peri-menopause and how to care for yourself.